Happy Holidays!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
China Rage
This posting is dedicated to China rage, how one arrives at this state and how to alleviate said temperament.
Level 1: Astonishment. I was here for about the first 2 months in China. Everything was amazing! Wow, that old lady holding that tiny, bottomless baby who is urinating over a trashcan is amazing! That old man with his shirt up over his buddha belly and hocking a giant loogie is amazing! That girl wearing the 4-inch sequined blue high heels, leopard print mini-skirt and red and pink striped shirt is amazing! That strange smell is amazing! That dead, skinned dog hanging by a hook in that meat shop is amazing!
Level 2: Disgust. I was in this stage for about 1 month. Everything that was previously amazing is now repulsive.
I would go back and forth between the two until I arrived at the inevitable Level 3:
CHINA RAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The pinnacle of my China rage occurred two weeks ago in Walmart when I was trying to purchase some feminine products. I'm looking at my options when a salesgirl comes over and says something in Chinese. She starts pointing to all the different options and I assume describing the benefits of each. I say, "Bing tu dong" which means, "I don't understand." She leaves, but promptly returns with some more lady products and starts talking in Chinese again. Apparently, I look incapable of choosing panty liners. I quickly grab a box from the shelves and walk towards the counter. While I'm waiting in line, a group of about 4 sales girls gather around the checkout counter. They are staring at me. They are staring at the box of panty liners I've placed on the counter. I tell them, "Yes, ladies. American girls get their periods, too." We are having a stare-down when I finally explode. "WHAAAAAAAT?!" One of the girls says, "Your eyes, beautiful." I shut my eyes tight, look away, pay for my stuff and walk out.
This may seem harmless or almost flattering, but after 4 months of being stared at like some deformed human or extinct dinosaur, I'd just had it.
The cure for China Rage = Hong Kong
Hong Kong is a place where people say "excuse me" or "sorry."
Hong Kong is a place where people stay to the right of the sidewalk or escalator.
Hong Kong is a place where people dress nicely and nice clothes can be purchased. Operative definition of nice clothes-garments that do not have sequins, lace, pleather, bows or the words "Fashion" or "Style" embroidered on them.
Hong Kong is a place where one can buy pretzels and deodorant.
Hong Kong is a place where no one stares.
Level 1: Astonishment. I was here for about the first 2 months in China. Everything was amazing! Wow, that old lady holding that tiny, bottomless baby who is urinating over a trashcan is amazing! That old man with his shirt up over his buddha belly and hocking a giant loogie is amazing! That girl wearing the 4-inch sequined blue high heels, leopard print mini-skirt and red and pink striped shirt is amazing! That strange smell is amazing! That dead, skinned dog hanging by a hook in that meat shop is amazing!
Level 2: Disgust. I was in this stage for about 1 month. Everything that was previously amazing is now repulsive.
I would go back and forth between the two until I arrived at the inevitable Level 3:
CHINA RAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The pinnacle of my China rage occurred two weeks ago in Walmart when I was trying to purchase some feminine products. I'm looking at my options when a salesgirl comes over and says something in Chinese. She starts pointing to all the different options and I assume describing the benefits of each. I say, "Bing tu dong" which means, "I don't understand." She leaves, but promptly returns with some more lady products and starts talking in Chinese again. Apparently, I look incapable of choosing panty liners. I quickly grab a box from the shelves and walk towards the counter. While I'm waiting in line, a group of about 4 sales girls gather around the checkout counter. They are staring at me. They are staring at the box of panty liners I've placed on the counter. I tell them, "Yes, ladies. American girls get their periods, too." We are having a stare-down when I finally explode. "WHAAAAAAAT?!" One of the girls says, "Your eyes, beautiful." I shut my eyes tight, look away, pay for my stuff and walk out.
This may seem harmless or almost flattering, but after 4 months of being stared at like some deformed human or extinct dinosaur, I'd just had it.
The cure for China Rage = Hong Kong
Hong Kong is a place where people say "excuse me" or "sorry."
Hong Kong is a place where people stay to the right of the sidewalk or escalator.
Hong Kong is a place where people dress nicely and nice clothes can be purchased. Operative definition of nice clothes-garments that do not have sequins, lace, pleather, bows or the words "Fashion" or "Style" embroidered on them.
Hong Kong is a place where one can buy pretzels and deodorant.
Hong Kong is a place where no one stares.
 |
| Laila and I on the ferry en route to HK |
 |
| Busses and bridges |
 |
| Visual ADD |
 |
| Heaven is an IPA from America |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)